death is peaceful.life..is harder

i don't know if i'm going insane.but i'm so tempted to commit suicide now.mom's giving me hell.classes are gonna start soon and im definitely not looking forward to it.and right now i find myself sitting in front of this screen next to a knife.i weighed my options.
i can hang myself-im too short to hang myself to anything
slit my wrists
jump down a building-im afraid of heights
poison-too dramatic =.='
so i figured i'll go for slitting my wrists.cos if i run away..where do i run to?sometimes dying is better.my mom always tells me im gonna learn the hard way.when she dies i'll learn.has it ever crossed your mind that i may die first mom?i've done everything today.clean my room, the chores and even sharpen the knife.
i wanna feel the warmth of my blood spilling down into my palms.i wanna slowly slip away as my whole life flashes before me.i just wanna die.


how would you like coming home to your daughter lying in a pool of blood on the floor?
i'm sure you'll love it.

jay dee's advance bday

hi everyone!i hv exam on tuesday!*screams* but but but...i went out ytd..to celebrate jd's bday in advance!more like i was forced to go la.haha..but no regrets yo!omg omg.like the whole while we were in the car on the way to PUTRAJAYA, all 5 of us were reminiscing bout the good ol' days in school.and who r the 5?
jade
bird
chuen
and our galfren!!(PRABU!!!)

and of course me la.
we din noe the way to alamanda so jade wound down the window to ask this couple in the car beside us.n the lady said follow us.we're going there now.she spoke in malay la.we were like omg!so fortunate man.hahaha..
there was so much screaming and laughing in the car and it was so fun.making fun of prabu.when we finally reached alamanda, we stood in the mall in front of the directory and stared blankly.hahaha..had no idea where to go.so we called the one person we came all the way there for..the one and only hazri asraf bin zainuddin!!
after he came, we walked to mcds and sat there so jd could eat.
after that we just walked around, laughed, ran, made a fool of ourselves(well,more like myself) on the escalator and poked boobies.i duno wats up with jade n booby poking.she enjoys it!and she spread the booby poking syndrome to me as well.hahaha..n our victim was elibird!!hahahaha...cos shes like so soft n delicate n wun kena us back so we kena her la.hahaha..

before we left, we went to BR to find sumthin out.jade asked me to ask.
me: hi.excuse me.may i noe who's the manager here?
the only guy at the counter:looks at me like as if im an idiot and says..i am.
hahaha...omg!in my face man!hahaha...but like..i duno..jade wanted to noe if her former manager worked there cos she heard she transfered to alamanda.haha..but i think she left already.oh well.
so after that embarassment we went to buy famous amos cookies n left to go to the dataran.since G noes the way, we asked him to show directions la.this guy led us to a mamak.hahahaha..n we were like WTH?!this is no dataran!hahahha..then hes like oh!u wanna go dataran ah?i thought shisha!hahahahaha....so he led the way to the dataran la.when we reached there..we took pics, ran around, sat in the middle of a star and talked n talked n talked.seriously enjoyed that time.

after all that we went to send G back to bangi and reached home bout 11.40.but got scolding frm my parents.hahaha..cos they duno i went to putrajaya.think i went to pyramid.ssshh...
oh well.im sry mummy..im sry daddy...i luv ya'll.but if i told u where i was going u wudnt hv let me go.cos u dun think its safe.but im fine.so dun worry so much.:)

n i ended up sleeping at 2 sumthing.woke up today and supposed to study.and im going now.

i jz wanna say..i miss u guys so much la..i wish i could see ya'll more often.ive had a horrible week n u guys really changed everything.thanks a bunches!luv ya'll!
im glad jade had fun too.thats the most important thing.cos it was all bout u ytd!have a nice birthday dear!

xoxo.

i should write a story bout my life.bout how many heartbreaks i've had.bout how stupid i am.i HATE myself!completely hate myself.but it'll be stupid of me to kill myself over a guy.hes not worth it.but sumtimes i find no worth in living.wat do i get frm being able to live everyday?i get to cry.get to see ppl die.get to see ppl cry.get hurt.fail in everything i do.fall for shit so easily.

i hate myself.

half alive,i love it.

It's four AM, I'm waking up to your perfume
Don't get up, I'll get through on my own
I don't know if I'm home
Or if I lost the way into your room
I'm spiraling into my doom
I'm feeling half alive but I know one day
You and I will be free,

To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Heart slows down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard,
Believe me when I say it's hard.
We'll get through this tonight
And I know one day you and I will be free

To live and die by our own rules,
Free..
Despite the fact that men are fools.

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.

And you touch my hand ever so slightly
(Girl we're not ready for this yet)
And the deadly look she cast upon me
I won't regret, I won't regret
I won't regret. I won't regret...

And I was trying to disappear,
But you got me wrapped around you
I can hardly breathe without you
I was trying to disappear
But I got lost in your eyes now,
You brought me down to size now.

I'm almost alive
And I need you to try and save me.
It's okay that we're dying
But I need to survive tonight, tonight
Tonight...

I'm almost alive, and I need you to try
And save me.
It's okay that we're dying,
But I need to survive tonight, tonight.
I need to survive tonight, tonight

dreams at the wrong time.lol

ah!yes!look at the post before this.im supposed to be studying anyway.i think its a way of punishment frm God.hehe.. neways i utterly abhor people who think the world revolves around them!n those who like touching you everytime.gosh!it gets annoying ok!dun freaggin touch me!but if i tell u..then things will change between us.well not like it hasnt already as much as i hate to admit.but seriously.stop touching me!im not ur freaggin gf!dun wanna be!

but actually i wanna post about valentines day.i just miss it.wish it was valentines.was looking through some pics n found hearts n roses n all that.just brought my mind to think of valentines.thats wat makes it so overrated.*rolls eyes* but yes its nice to have just one special day for the specialest person in ur life.:) of course it doesnt only have to be celebrated with ur boyfriend or galfriend.theres still mummy,daddy ur bros n sistas frm other mothers too!hehee..but nothing can beat the feeling as you watch him approach you from a distance..or as he holds you tight with the promise of never letting you go.




or the times when u watch this:


or this:
together.
but of course its not always a bed of roses.one of us will make mistakes..



n sometimes the problems won't have a chance to be solved and this results in a goodbye.. :(

n for some of us its so hard for us to forget that person though its been forever!




i shall leave now n seal it with a



happy valentines day!
xoxo.

i was gonna post a new thing but it ended up going missing cos i accidentally pressed the wrong thing n didnt even save it in my drafts b4 this!!!it was quite a good post i should say!omgomg!!am i destined to write/post sucky shit?!

bang balls n shisha

today went to college n everything was jz normal.n during class i was like talking to lee wen throughout the whole thing.hehehe.. then i got home bout 6.30 n received a call.guess who its frm..
frm nick mok.asking me if i wanna join them (his sis, daren kum n nikolas) go shisha or not.so i was like ok la.hahaah..then we went to 15 lepak in AC like lazy bums waited for nick n his sis to finish dinner n they played cho tai ti.so neways after their dinner, we went upstairs to bang some balls.we played 3 games n all 3 also nick mok n daren kena tapau kao kao!hahah..it just happen to be nik n my day.;) afta dat we went to tanjung in 14 to shisha.waited there for awhile then decided to leave. as we were leaving i asked a guy.."shisha hari ini tada buka ah?"hahaah...see my bm so chun.the fella was like .."hari ini shisha tak buka la."i was like daym!haha..so we went to ss13.sat there and talk bout nonsense n FINALLY!!!the long awaited shisha had arrived!!we took apple grape mint flavor.its good.nick mok n his sister shisha pretty well for first timers.n so yea.thats bout it for today.came back n im just so tired.eating my cheesecake.yummy!:D

will update again soon ppl!when im not too lazy la.hehe..
xoxo